I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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