Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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