She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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