I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
