whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
