Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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