and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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