I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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