found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
