Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
