I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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