Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
