the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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