This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
