im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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