Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
