So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
