Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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