my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
