it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
