Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
