i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
