I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
