I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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