If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is it penis luge time yet?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
