his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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