I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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