I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
