I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
