he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
