Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I know her cup size but not her name....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
