she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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