Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
