the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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