im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
