he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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