so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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