My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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