I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
