break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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