She is in my trunk
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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