apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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