And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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