Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
