then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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