If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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