6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
