Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
