I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
