Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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