I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
