There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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