at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
