I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
