The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
