is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
