last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
