what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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