You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
