i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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