you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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