Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
