Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
