they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
