I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
