You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
