you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
