Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
