Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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