totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
