I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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