i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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